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Journal - 20/10/01
(Written in black on gray for easier reading???)
It's been a while, since I could say I love myself...
Why are song lyrics always so right? I can't stand myself. This may be wallowing in self-pity but I never seem to get things right. I failed my Physics exam. Again. Everything is repeating itself. Dé ja vu no da.
It's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
Lyrics that speak for me. Perhaps I'm hard on myself, perhaps I don't try hard enough, perhaps the world is against me. All pathetic excuses. Excuses that mean nothing when another looks upon your work and says, "Gods, you are pitifully inept."
And yes, if I die, others will care, but how many? For how long? It would't be very long. Simply another worry vanquished from their lives. Only I'm not going to die, not yet at least, I think I still have a few more chances to screw up on first.
It's hard -- I've been fired, I've been turned down, I've been passed by no more than 2%, I've been mocked, scorned, looked down on, pitied, even hated in a few circumstances. I cause only pain. Only hurt, and discomfort on others parts.
Whatever. Too much self-pity reaking from this paragraph already.
~Heather