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Journal - 01/08/01
(Written in black on gray for easier reading)
Hello again.
Yes, yes, I know, I've been atrociously bad and not updated in forever, but give me a break >P Last Tuesday night a boy from my school died in a horrible accident and I just lost the will to write that day. I didn't know him very well, but still, I did hang around with him a few times, and he was still a kid from my school.
Following that I just plain lost the motivation to update until now, partially because I've been trying to help organize my family for our little family trip down to Colorado to visit relations then back up to Edmonton to visit the other side of the family, partially because I was doing some volunteer sewing of curtains for my mom's best friend. So, I figured I'd update at least once before I leave tomorrow night.
In the good news section, I have regained my übercheerful/just-plain-happy mood. I don't know why, but I finally decided that I was being far to selfish and kicked my ass out of my black mood over a week ago. And it was good. In other news, I get to visit Yellowstone National Park and Dinosaur Monument National Park during my trip (yea, yea!). I'm excited about that as well as seeing relatives I haven't seen for years. Oh, and after I finally get home I finally get to get a new kitten! That's really good, I like having something furry hanging around the house to receive and give affections (and claw marks ^_^), but yeah.
I'm sorry this is so far from the 'normal' gibberish I've been writing in here, but this reflects my current mood, and this is it. I had a very good day hanging out with Britz after I finished finding all the items on the packing list my mother left out for me. I dunno, when I'm with my best friends (any of them) I jut experience an utter contentment that I find hard to locate anywhere else in the world.
Nyeah.... The inevitable finally happened today, no matter how much I guess I didn't want it to. One of my friends found this journal *wince* I have a few things to tell you guys though. I AM feeling better! No buts about it, the depression has been and gone. I am very sorry that I didn't have the courage to tell you about it in person though. I know that you feel insulted 'cause I could tell the comp screen but not you... I'm sorry. That's the only thing left to say I guess. I'm now permanently done with the masochism shit, and the self pity, and all that crap.
Don't feel bad for, "not listening" (Tanya, I know you for sure do...!) because it wasn't that, I just wasn't saying anything about it. Next time I feel that way, I will. And I know this may not make much difference, but I don't want any of your attitudes to change! I'm not going to shatter if you treat me 'rough' like you usually do. I'm the same person you knew, I just have a bit more of a darker side that you guessed at occasionally (as in two times in my life...) So any 'nice' shit and I'll be forced to... Um... Make cookies for you and burn them!!! So there, take that!
'Neways, I'm going to go now and take care of my toe, which I bashed against a wall because it feels like I did something more than just stub it. (See, even my pathetic klutziness remains. I think the accidentally-knocked-over-glass-bottles count after I got home today got up to three >.<; ) So I'll write in this again after I get home, ne?
Ja, Minna-san,
~Heather